What you chase owns you — 37/100

I’ve never been much of a goal-setter, until recently. But I did know how to chase.

I chased many things before.

A certain body image, money, recognition, social acceptance, security are just a few things I can name off the top of my head.

And I don’t think I’ve ever attained or achieved those things.

What I did get was a sense of insecurity of time (I don’t have enough), an insecurity of self (I’m not enough), and an insecurity of life (I will never have enough).

Even now, my desires have changed and I want things that are more “noble”, I guess you could say. Things like, productivity, meaningful contribution to the world, self-improvement, passion, true significance, progress.

But I realize, chasing is chasing.

Even after changing, growing, and transforming into the person I am today — much more whole, happy, forward-thinking, and connected — I realize, the insecurities of the past are timeless.

Because the act of chasing is a prison, and the object of our chase is the prison warden.

It doesn’t matter what it is (salary, recognition, a certain feeling, state of being), what our intentions are (personal development, progression, sense of accomplishment), who we’re doing it for (ourselves, our families, communities).

We enslave ourselves to the very things we chase.

Our freedom is in the answer of that statement itself.

We enslave ourselves to the very things we chase.

We have a choice. We set the goals, we set the price, we set the path. And then we chase, knowingly and unknowingly.

We don’t have to live like this. Unless you really want to, unless this type of living really connects to you. It hasn’t worked out too well for me.

I’ve found that fundamentally, the act of chasing is a manifestation of living out of scarcity. It’s the real-life application of the belief that we don’t have and we’re not enough, so we must expend time and energy to attain ________. It’s the belief that we must pay for what we want.

Don’t get me wrong — good things come when we work hard, diligently, deeply. I’m not afraid to put in time and energy to make things grow.

But that kind of good work, the products of such good work come when we come from a place of the antithesis of scarcity:

Abundance.

Abundance cannot be chased. Abundance can only be believed and accepted.

The person who chased and acquired money and a certain lifestyle will never taste abundance. She will find, on the other side of that goal, is emptiness — the emptiness she started out with. She will then find another higher goal of the same vein to fill that emptiness. She will never arrive at her happiness, she will never arrive at satisfaction, she will never arrive at her party. She will be laboring outside to earn her friends, feast, decorations, and DJ. And she will never arrive. Period.

But abundance. Abundance is a tricky thing. You cannot conjure it up. You cannot create it. You cannot even get yourself to believe it.

It must be accepted. It begins with the acceptance that I am enough.

That’s it. It begins there.

And it’s so damn hard for so many of us, including me (which is why I’m writing this post) because we’ve been taught, raised, and even indoctrinated to believe I am not enough and I never will be.

It must be accepted because — it is already true. It has always been true. It’s just we have had a hard, if not impossible time believing that. Our past experiences, heartbreaks, trauma, wounds tell us that we are not _______________________ enough. We operate out of that, chasing chasing chasing, thinking at the end of this chasing, there is some sense of relief — after all, we’re paying for it, aren’t we?

It’s time to cut the bullshit, folks. It’s time for me to cut the bullshit with myself.

I am enough.

It is so hard for me to say that, even though it’s become much easier over the years. It’s only recently come up for me again. This time it was harder because I already believed, to an extent, I really was enough.

But I noticed — I was chasing again. I was operating on empty again. I was reaching outward, measuring progress, calculating, planning everything so I could put together the best formula for success — whatever that means.

I noticed I was afraid again. I felt failure was closer than success, even though my self-image had improved and I was more positive and excited about life.

I realized I was back in prison and my goals, as wholesome and positive as they were, were looking down at me from the watchtowers with unforgiving scrutiny, playing the perfect prison guards.

So, as I write this, I am telling you, I am choosing to accept that I am enough.

I am choosing to believe I have enough. I lack nothing unless I believe it is so.

I live in abundance knowing that everything I need in this life to become everything I want to be — is already inside of me. I live believing the universe is in cahoots with me, that I have never spent a single nanosecond existing on my own. I believe that I am massively loved regardless of any accomplishments, progress, and significance. I believe that I am my own significance. This is my nature. This is your nature.

The sense of belonging, abundance, and the freedom that follows is our birthright. Own it.

Originally published at gracejyk.com on June 5, 2017.